Wii-Whoops!

Yeah, here it comes, another hot helping of video games news and commentary, right to your face.

So! Those of you out there that happen to be the proud owners of both a Wii and a wi-fi enabled house are probably happy to see that Nintendo has finally implemented a new system for downloading and playing games by less well-known developers, similar to the Playstation Network on the PS3 and the Xbox Live Arcade on the Xbox 360, and it's called Wii Ware.

Pretty exciting stuff, huh? I, personally, was pretty psyched to see it up and running, and to see some of the critically acclaimed launch titles that the service is starting out with.

But then I remembered: the Wii doesn't have a hard drive. While the 360 and PS3 sit contentedly on their pile of console options and triple-digit gigabyte space, the Nintendo Wii continues to amaze us with...512 MB of standard storage space. A DVD copy of 'Fight Club' takes up more space than that (which is funny, because the Wii also doesn't play DVDs. Which doesn't seem like a big deal now, but if your primary device for viewing movies is disabled, you're really gonna be ticked that Nintendo didn't include this seemingly obvious console capability). Those of you that are good at solving impressive mysteries may have already put two and two together.

If you're going to be downloading fully-fledged, stand alone titles from the wii ware channel straight to your Wii, you're going to eat up the 512 MB limit so fast it's retarded.

Sure, they offer you the ability to use SD cards to save Wii-related data (which is kind of cool because it gives the SD card more use than just a digital camera memory card), but you still have to copy the data you want to use from the SD card to the console whenever you want to use it.

That's only one of the big inconveniences, though. Apparently (because I haven't actually tried to buy anything yet) the interfaces leave not only a lot to be desired, but also leave a whole bunch of users frustrated out of their minds. As a security measure, they've made it so that you can't save your credit card information or billing address. Sure, it's safer, but I'd rather be shot, beaten, and mugged, than have to input my name, address, credit card number, zip code, area code, telephone number, social security number, date of birth, date of death, and date of nintendo-caused-suicide every SINGLE time that I want to buy a game.

This article probably does a much better job of explaining it than I do:

Try it out, though, and you'll find some big problems. The interface is average at best, and the limited storage of the Wii console means trouble for heavy users of the machine's Virtual Console service (which lets you download classic games), who are suddenly going to have to make some tough choices about which games to keep. With only 512 MB of on-board storage, players are running out of room, and although you can store games on an SD card, you have to copy them back before you can play them. If keen players are already reaching the limit, what's it going to be like in a few years?

This is, to put it mildly, a shame, because there are already a couple of gems waiting for WiiWare browsers. Despite having a title long enough to fill up the Wii's memory on its own, Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: My Life as a King is harder to quit than crack cocaine and a real bargain at $15. LostWinds, an innovative platform game from a small British developer, is receiving some decent reviews and clocks in at only $10.

That's assuming you have the patience to get them downloaded in the first place. Compare and contrast the Wii's Shop interface with similar offerings on the PS3 and Xbox 360, and you'll see that although Nintendo is unquestionably the master at building easy-to-use, appealing hardware, it has a lot to learn about interface design.

Here's a hint: make it easy for us to give you money. The Wii Shop won't save credit card information, which probably makes it slightly more secure, but inputting all those numbers with a remote control is silly and tiresome. That's nothing next to the inconvenience of having to fill out the billing address every time, though, and the Wii makes you do that in minute, exhaustive detail. Hey, Nintendo: If my Wii gets stolen from my front room, it's a safe bet the culprits already know where I live.

OK, so you've juggled memory around to make space and filled out enough forms to give a mortgage broker nightmares. Surely things get better when you actually start downloading games, right? No, Nintendo has a treat in store for you there as well. Once you've purchased your chosen game, you'll be greeted with a cheery (and, for some reason, orange) Mario running repeatedly across the screen grabbing gold coins. What purpose this serves isn't immediately clear. Presumably it's some type of progress bar, but -- as far as we're aware -- there's no apparent relationship between fat Italian plumbers, orange or not, and download progress. Maybe Mario's interminable transit symbolizes Nintendo gobbling up the revenue from your purchase. Who knows.

Moreover, why are we still watching him? On the 360, we could be playing Grand Theft Auto by now, simply waiting for the helpful pop-up notification while a whole stack of games download in the background. Coin-grabbing Mario, as he sucks down my dollars, looks awfully happy about this state of affairs, but we're not.

Seriously, Nintendo, we're delighted you're supporting independent developers (and Square-Enix) and encouraging yet more innovation on what's already the most novel and exciting games platform out there. With the Virtual Console and WiiWare, you're well on the way to beating the selections of the competition's download services. But did you have to make it such a pain to use?