Grand Theft Slumber

Too soon for a real post? That lost one didn't count, so shut up.

My first mirror! Yay!

So, apparently, if you're trying to look up information on Macbeth and the Deceptive Appearences Within...googling it is no good. All you get is about 35 pages worth of cheating websites where you can steal essays. I'm not stupid enough to steal an essay off of google. Though, I'm going to enjoy the resulting irony when I use those "purchaseable essays" as sources in my paper. Not stealing, or cheating, but actually researching. I win.

That doesn't matter, though. What matters is that I own Grand Theft Auto IV, and that I traded my precious slumber last night for her wonder...that, and eight cans of Monster. Eight cans of Monster, man. They're totally recking my insides, but I don't particularly care. I got to play GTA IV all night long. It is...so wonderful. And all you naysayers can back the fuck off, what me and GTA share is beautiful.

It deserved that 10/10 score from IGN.com. Honestly, I'm really pleased with the way that the game turned out. The graphics have gotten a huge overhaul, and have actually affected the gameplay in doing so, mostly because of the driving physics. Now, cars actually seem to flip, fly, and react relistically. If they land upside down, they don't just sit there helplessly and slowly catch fire. Driving is more challenging because it simulates actual driving physics based upon what car you're n, how many people are in the car, where they're sitting at in the car, what the weather's like, how fast you're driving, etcetera, etcetera. The list goes on.

But that's just a small bit of why this game is so great. The cutscenes, oh, the cutscenes. The voice acting and lip synching in this game is quite simply the best that I've ever seen. It's not just like watching a movie; it's like playing through 'The Departed'. A super-long special edition version of it. The languages are accurate (which is important because the game is set in a spin-off of New York, full of immigrants), and the accents are heavy and add lots of flavor. This is especially apparent with the Jamaicans...even WITH subtitles on, you need a translator. And they're still technically speaking english.

And don't even get me started on the multiplayer.

16 players. The whole city as your playground. Guns, cops, pedestrians, traffic, all optional. You know where the helicopter is? Go get it, pick up a teammate, and terrorize your enemies. Just watch out for RPGs. Need a quick escape from a human vs. human firefight? Hop on your NRG 600 and blast through and alleyway, dive behind a dumpster, and use cover to your advantage. Bored with all that? Get a city bus and pick up ALL 16 OF THE PLAYERS IN THE GAME and roll through the city like an unstoppable machine gun orgy. It's free mode, baby, there's no worries, no care. At one point the other night, my friend and I raced through the subway tracks on our Harley Davidson ripoffs, going about as fast as possible. I won that race, though, because he happened to be driving on the 'oncoming' side. GodDAMN that was a nasty impact.

And the civillian AI is more than impressive; it's a feat of coding and technology. These robots, no, these PEOPLE, actually have lives. Sure, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but the illusion is very, very impressive. I was driving around the city this morning and saw everything from a horrible car accident with two flipped vehicles, ambulances, and traffic jams, to a guy working on a smoking engine on the side of a downtown street, to a guy taking a piss in the corner of a stairwell in the projects. This city is actually alive. The illusion is complete.

There's so much potential for fun here. Free romp through the city. Play an objective match with your friends. Take turns watching your friends throw themselves off of a construction crane just for shits and grins. Play through one of the most cinematic, well-written, and entertaining story modes of any game I've ever seen. Visit a comedy club and watch Katt Williams perform an original stand-up routine (I SHIT YOU NOT). Pick up a lovely lady of the night. Hang out with your NPC friends. Take your girlfriend out for a night on the town. Sit back and just watch the city do its thing.

Buy this game. Don't miss out on it.

And, hey, I'm not the only one.

Achievement Unlocked: F1RST P0ST!

Blogspot and such. Right. Cool beans, man.

So, now I actually have to blog. Ignore the awkward 'what-the-hell-do-I-talk-aboutiness' that inevitably occurs whenever I'm trying to make a good first impression on the internet.

Perhaps I'll start mirroring things now. That's always looked fun. Mirroring things.

Right!

Alright, a little less awkward now...I've never been good about keeping blogs constant, because I've never liked typing about myself except in short, concentrated bursts, that only occur every week or two. Hence my deviantART longevity; that site has more focus on forums, art, and community than it does blogs, so keeping my journal up-to-date could take a back seat to interacting with deviants.

What will THIS blog likely contain? Anecdotes about my exciting life (which IS rather interesting, fortunately enough), video game/television/book reviews, short stories, political commentary, sexual propositions (or do I mean pro-positions...? You'll NEVER know), ambiguous grammar corrections, the occasional useless complaint, and links, photos, and conceptual gadgets out the ass and/or wazoo.

Until I decide to bless you with my presence once more, this'll have to do. Toodloo, kiddies.

(As a side note, it should be made known that I consider all person or persons that read any of my blogs as kids, kiddies, kiddos, children, or otherwise infantile in presentaion. It's nothing personal.)